Yappa Doubles Deshou!
by yumeyana
Summary: [TezuFuji, Fujixsurprise]Is it in saying goodbye that you're letting go or holding on? Is it possible to play doubles when you've played singles all your life?


**Author's Notes:** I just happen to be on a very reflective mood when I started to write this. And it has taken me longer than I would want but at least it's finished now. I hope you like it, I used a different style than I usually use. And I don't think I would've finished this now if it weren't for a particularly tear-jerking episode of Daa! Daa! Daa!

**Dedication:** To Reeza, for not taking her bath until we got a title for this one. And to all the people who read and reviewed _Transience_, thank you.

**Disclaimers:** Tennis no Oujisama belongs to the one and only Konomi-sama. Only the story line is mine.

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**Yappa**** Doubles Deshou!**

_People, that__ was what he saw. Tens of people that lined up at desks, people who were surrounded by people they knew and people they didn't. _

_People._

_He was never a people person. _

_He was not xenophobic. He just didn't like to be surrounded by so many people all at once. He didn't like crowds even if everything he did involved them. _

_Student council._

_Tennis._

_He tolerated the Student Council because it was part of his duty. Yes, it was part of his duty to be surrounded by eager committee leaders and members. Part of his duty to talk to them, discuss the projects with them. It was all because of duty. _

_In tennis, however, it was different. _

_In tennis, the crowd was there to cheer you on. The crowd was there to mock you. The crowd was there to be awed by whatever rabbit you pull out of the hat. The crowd was there simply because they loved to watch the unfolding game. And in playing tennis, the crowds were part of the game. _

_Yet even after years of dealing with crowds, he never liked them. Or never even grew to do so. Which was probably one reason why he played Singles in tennis. _

_Singles required you only to concentrate on one opponent on the court. You would never have to look out for a partner on court, never have to think if your partner would sync with you. It was just you and your opponent. There was no one else._

_That was how he liked it. _

_And he knew someone who understood that. _

-------

It was a bright and sunny morning. There were almost no clouds in the sky to cover the sun. The birds were happily chirping. It was a perfect day.

Well, it ought to be. It was only five in the morning. Too early to know what the day would hold.

He dressed out of his pajamas and started his morning rituals before he went down. It was always like that, he thought. Always systematic. He did the same things every morning – rain or shine – without fail.

He was surprised to see his housemate up and cooking breakfast.

"You're early."

His companion jumped, his voice startling him. He turned to him, eyes narrowing as if mad at surprising him. But then he shook his head and took out the earphones plugged in his ears and smiled.

"Ohayou!"

He nodded. "Ohayou."

"Mou, it's such a wonderful morning. You need to be more cheerful, y'know." He turned to the stove again, back to what he was cooking. He chuckled. "Or simply cheerful for that matter."

He glanced back at him, chuckle under control but smile still in place. "You like apple-cinnamon pancakes, don't you?"

His eyes betrayed no emotion and yet inside him, there was a surge of unwanted sensations, memories. Memories that weren't supposed to be there, feelings he knew he had supposedly forgotten.

But that changed a year ago when he came.

Chuckles…

Teasing blue eyes…

And now, apple-cinnamon pancakes.

-------

_And he was there in that crowd. Among all those faces, he saw only one. _

_His._

_He understood his terms, understood his language though he rarely spoke. And even there were times that he stretched his patience to the limit, he somehow tolerated it. _

_Because he was there, just there.__ Always by his side; not really pushing, not really asking anything. Just there whenever he needed him, just there even if he didn't. _

_And he was the only person permitted to be there._

_"You were going without telling me?"_

_He turned around and saw that person. That person. _

_That person with someone else._

_Yes, he wanted to say. He wanted to go without telling him, of all people. He wanted to go without even having to look at those eyes again. He even instructed his former teammates not to tell him. He told them not to be there when he finally said goodbye to his homeland. _

_But he was there right now. _

_"Saa… I do think you did."_

-------

"You have a game today, right?"

"Aa."

"Then why aren't you eating your pancakes? You need to have the strength, remember?"

"Aa."

He shook his head. Obviously, his stoic housemate was not where he was seated. He was somewhere else. He sighed, cutting a piece of the syrup coated pancake.

Desperate times called for desperate measures. If he didn't have a game today, he would never have resolved to use this method.

"Tezuka?"

"Aa."

"_Tezuka_"

Earth eyes shot up then narrowed when he discovered that he had been tricked. "Sa…"

But whatever protest that was supposed to come out of that mouth was unvoiced.

"Shut up and eat. It's not proper to speak with your mouth full, you fool."

-------

_Why couldn't he tell him to get lost? Why couldn't he just tell him to leave him alone? Why couldn't he tell him that he was the reason why he was going in the first place? He would never have accepted that offer if it hadn't been for…_

_He bit the inside of his lip. Why did he have to fall for him, of all people?_

_That person almost took my future away, he wanted to say. That person who almost destroyed his dreams. That person took him away from the one he loved for long weeks. _

-------

"Don't use that voice again."

He sighed. "I wouldn't have if you had been eating."

Tezuka just stared at his pancakes, eating them without even thinking of food. It was one of those days, he knew. One of those days when he wondered why he agreed to have him as a housemate. One of those times when he wondered why he was studying at the same college. London was a big place. There were a lot of colleges. Why did he have to be enrolled in the same one as his?

It was not that he didn't find his companion… companionable. It was just because he reminded him so much of him – the person he had supposedly forgotten. That person that was a part of his past, a past he had left behind when he stepped inside London.

He wanted… no, **needed**… to start anew in the new land.

-------

_The one he loved that he could never have. The love he had always thought that would, someday, belong to him. The love that now belonged to someone else. _

_He should not hate him, that Tezuka knew. He should not blame him for almost destroyed shoulder; it was his choice to have that long-drawn game. He should not blame him for the love he had lost. It was his fault. He never took the risk to tell him how he really felt. Perhaps if he did, things would've turned out differently; perhaps he wouldn't be on his way to London. _

_But now wasn't the time for questions and speculations. What was past was past. There was no way that the past could be repeated. He could never turn back time and rewrite that part of his story._

_He would have to face the story playing beyond his eyes. _

_No matter how painful the real story was._

_"Flight 1154 for London now boarding."_

_The smile on his face softened, saddened. It was something the taller of the two rarely saw, something he knew that he only gave to the people important in his life. A thought that made his heart skip and bleed at the same time. _

_"Saa… can I call you?"_

_He said nothing. _

_"Can I email you?"_

_He wanted to say, 'yes, please do.' Or 'by all means'. But that wasn't what he knew he was supposed to say. Because if he said that…_

_"Tezuka…"_

_Earth met ocean tinted ones and Tezuka drank the sight before him, knowing in his heart that this would be the last time he would see this. It wasn't because he wanted to or opted not to see him again. It was more of a need. _

_A need to leave the past, face the present and plan for the future._

_"Fuji…"_

_But could he really leave all these behind? Could he live in a place without that smile, that chuckle… that mere presence? Could he do it with sheer will? _

_Yes. _

_He can. _

_He will. _

_He would. _

_He **has** to. _

-------

"I'll do the dishes today. You have a game."

The coffee-haired boy shook his head. "It's my turn. Having a game doesn't mean I'm exempted to do household chores."

The other shrugged and let his companion have his way. It wasn't as if he could do anything. He knew that no one could go against Tezuka when he had set his mind on it.

"So, who are you playing with today?"

"Dumalov."

"Hm… Can I watch?"

"You don't need my permission to do anything."

He stood from his seat, pausing before he left the kitchen. He looked back at his companion and sighed almost inaudibly.

"Sou ne…"

-------

_He never expected those hands to be around him in a tight hug. But they were. They were._

_"Take care of yourself, ne Tezuka? And learn how to smile. I won't be there to tease you into smiling anymore."_

_He could smell that honey hair now, could feel the warmth of that hold. Could he really let go, he asked himself again. Could he really turn his back on all of these?_

-------

He turned on his laptop, opening a new page in his Microsoft Word. He sighed, eyes straying at how his fingers typed easily on the keyboard. It was effortless, like second nature.

It was like he had never held a tennis racket before.

How long had it been since he traded his racket for this laptop? How long had it been since he started to write for his college's school organ?

He had been invited to write for an advice column. He remembered how he laughed when he heard that. Him? Advice column? Apparently, the editor-in-chief was crazy.

Or a genius.

Since he started writing for the advice column, the paper was read by more and more people. Perhaps, he did really have a knack for this kind of job.

Fingers glided on the keyboard, typing his thoughts away.

'When people hurt us badly, we have this instinct to pack up and go. We leave the excess baggage – the emotional baggage – behind and leave everything behind. We change locations, change numbers, email addresses… everything just to "move on" to a new life.

'But does "moving on" require moving out of your old house and into a new one? Does it mean that by saying goodbye, you can move on and let go?'

-------

_The answer was…_

_He had to move on. Even if it was by painfully leaving everything behind. He needed it. _

_But now, for one last time…_

_He wrapped his arms around the tensai's small one, inhaling everything of Fuji. He hugged him tight, a part of him afraid that this was a dream, a part of him afraid to let go, a part of him locking this moment in his memories forever. _

_"Last call for Flight 1154 bound for London. Please board now."_

_He tugged him closer, holding him for the last time. _

_"Tezuka…"_

_"Goodbye, Fuji," he whispered. _

_Then he let go…_

_And disappeared from those sapphire eyes, disappeared from Japan…_

_… forever._

-------

'But what if it was when saying goodbye that you weren't really letting go?'

He leaned back, letting his fingers rest. He read the words again and again.

He thought it was funny when he read that letter that someone mailed him. It was so familiar; it was a story he knew by heart.

It was Tezuka's story.

He knew his housemate would never write to him about that, knew that he would never ask any advice from him. Tezuka led his life by himself, never wanting anyone to sync with him, to walk with him. It was like he was born to play Singles all his life, in or off the court.

Yet, there was a person who he walked with. A person he could play doubles with.

A person who played the game with someone else.

'... what if it was when saying goodbye that you weren't really letting go?'

Tezuka had said goodbye to Fuji. He saw that scene unfold; he was there when it all happened. He saw how Fuji came with Atobe. How Tezuka struggled to school his features into an impassive one. How Fuji hugged the former Seigaku buchou. How Tezuka let go…

Or supposedly have.

He did not intend to enroll where he was enrolled now. But his aunt – who financed his college studies – had insisted that he enroll there. And that was when he met Tezuka.

He chuckled. It seemed so long ago, now that he thought about it. He never thought that a year would seem so long.

And it had been more than a year since Tezuka had said goodbye and let Fuji go.

But did Tezuka really let go? Or was it in saying goodbye that Tezuka was actually holding onto Fuji?

He sighed. He didn't know.

He didn't know.

He wanted to help Tezuka but he knew that the other would never accept it. Tezuka played Singles; he played doubles… before.

And not all Singles players were skilled to play doubles.

There was a knock on his door.

"Come in," he said, saving his work before he turned around. It was Tezuka, fully dressed for his game. "You're going already?"

Tezuka nodded. "Why aren't you dressed yet?"

He blinked. "Huh?"

"You're going to watch my game, right?"

He stared at him for a few seconds, processing what Tezuka had said. Then he smiled.

"Yeah. Just give me a sec to prepare."

Tezuka nodded again. He was about to close the door when he paused.

"Yes?"

"The pancakes were delicious, Saeki."

The smile on his face widened. It was a first, he thought, to hear Tezuka praise him or acknowledge him like that.

"Thanks."

And with a final nod, Tezuka closed the door.

He turned back to his open document. He started typing again.

'Or was saying goodbye a road to letting go?

'A road you know would be painful, lonely and hard and yet you trudge through it. You go on, you move forward…

'You move on.

'And perhaps someday, you'll reach the end of that road. Then that would be the time you would say…

'I've let go.'

He saved it and closed his laptop. Putting on a decent polo shirt, he took one last look at himself and grabbed his keys.

Saeki smiled.

Perhaps Tezuka knew how to play doubles after all.

-Owari

::14Jan05:: ::10:11p:: ::2457 words::

**Author's Notes:** So what do you think? Anyway, I'm sorry for ignoring _Silver Chains_ for so long. I promise I will continue it ASAP. It's already on the way. Thank you for reading!


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